Today for lunch we went to Quizno's. They just opened one up in town and we were all pretty pumped to eat something other than the usual fast food joints. Come to find out the people working there all seem like convicts with fourth grade educations on work release programs. For example this was the conversation that ensued during my sandwich ordering fiasco:
1:42 pm
Me: "On my Torpedo, I only want Bacon, Mayo and Chedder."
Them: "Do you want the beef?"
Me: "...No..."
Them: "Do you want the spicy mustard?"
Me: "...No..."
Them: "So all you want is what?"
Me: "Bacon...Mayo....and Cheddar Cheese"
Them: "But it comes with beef you know?"
Me: "I know, but I just want Bacon...Mayo...and Cheddar"
Them: "So just mayo, and no spicy mustard?"
Me: "That's Correct"
Them: "Because it's a Torpedo Combo, I have to charge you for the beef."
Me: "That's fine."
Them: "Are you sure, it's the same price?"
Me: "Yes....I'm certain."
Them: "Ok so what was it you wanted again?"
Me: "B A C O N....M A Y O...and C H E D D A R"
Them: "So you want extra bacon?"
(I hadn't thought of that, but it sounded good)
Me: "Yea, that's fine."
Them: "I'll have to charge you for extra bacon."
Me: "That's fine...
(A line is forming behind me)
Them: "EXTRA BACON!" (He yells to the moron on the other side of the oven conveyer belt thing)
(Apparently this is a major undertaking.)
Them: "Ok so extra bacon, mustard and cheddar?"
(He's about to add mustard)
Me: "No, mayo, not mustard"
Them: "Oh, yea..right."
(He finally gathers up enough brain cells to make the sandwich and sends it through the oven thing.)
1:53 pm
(Out it comes and now I'm dealing with another "special" employee, this time a woman.)
Me: "Just lettuce please."
Her: "What kind of sandwich is this?"
Me: "Bacon, Beef & Cheddar Torpedo, minus the beef"
(She carefully studies her complex sandwich graph which illustrates with colors, lines, graphs and pictures what goes on any given sandwich. She's totally perplexed.)
Her: "But this comes with lettuce, tomato and sauce."
Me: "I know, I just want lettuce."
Her: "Are you sure, we have to charge you for the other stuff."
Me: "That's Fine."
(She adds the lettuce and practically destroys the sandwich trying to get it into a cardboard "Torpedo Holster".)
Her: "Is this for here or to go?"
Me: "For here."
(She wrestles my sandwich back out of the cardboard thing, cuts it in half and places it into a basket thing.)
1:59 pm
(I've reached the final step in my journey, the checkout, and alas another classic employee.)
Her: "Would you like to make it a combo?"
Me: "Yes"
Her: "What kind of sandwich?"
Me: "Bacon, Beef & Cheddar Torpedo"
(Employee one beckons): "EXTRA BACON!"
Me: "Yes, with extra bacon."
(Employee two pipes up): "But he didn't have beef."
Me: "That's right, I didn't want any."
Her: "Well we have to charge you for it, it's part of the sandwich."
Me: "That's fine"
Her: "I'm also going to have to charge you for extra bacon."
Me: "That's fine"
(She peers down at the register in a complete panic.)
Her: "I'm not exactly sure what to charge you for."
(Looking at me for answers.)
Me: "Well...I had a Beef, Bacon & Cheddar...so charge me for that."
Her: "But you didn't have the beef."
Me: "I'm aware."
(Line forming behind me again.)
Her: "I'm going to have to get the manager"
2:12 pm
(The manager shows up to check me out.)
Her: "Would you like to make it a combo?"
Me: "Yes"
Her: "What kind of sandwich?"
Me: "Bacon, Beef & Cheddar Torpedo, extra bacon, no beef"
Her: "No beef?"
Me: "That's right, I didn't want any."
Her: "Well we have to charge you for it, it's part of the sandwich."
Me: "That's fine"
Her: "I'm also going to have to charge you for extra bacon."
Me: "That's fine"
2:19 pm
($6.50 and I'm at my seat.)
As if this whole unbelievable feat of mental retardation wasn't messed up enough, I open my bag of chips to a really strange surprise. The picture above is of a giant chicken nugget sized, 1/4 inch thick compressed puck of Baked BBQ Lays seasoning I found in my bag. Needless to say with this chunk of extra heavy dark matter in my bag, there were only about 6 chips in there. Rather than fight it, I just ate my Mayo, Bacon, Cheddar and Lettuce sandwich and just reflected on the whole messed up situation.
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